How to Tackle Your Saboteurs

What are Saboteurs?

Saboteurs are the negative thoughts or self-talk that we direct inward toward ourselves or outward toward others. These internal critics are universal—we all have them. They are rooted in the biology of our brain and were originally designed to help us navigate perceived threats, both physical and emotional.

Why Saboteurs Matter

Though once useful for survival, these saboteur thoughts no longer serve us. In fact, they can be critical and damaging, both to ourselves and those around us. Saboteurs leave us feeling worried, anxious, stressed, judged, overwhelmed, and disconnected. Any negative emotion we hold onto can often be traced back to this type of thinking.

Digging Deeper

It can be helpful to envision your saboteur in a general way, or you can dig deeper to recognize how specific patterns show up in your life. In a previous blog, we discussed 10 common types of saboteurs: Judge, Pleaser, Avoider, Hyper-Vigilant, Hyper-Rational, Hyper-Achiever, Restless, Victim, Controller, and Stickler. If you’re curious to learn more, you can take a brief quiz to identify your primary saboteurs.

How to Lessen Their Impact

The theory and research behind saboteurs comes from Shirzad Chamine's book, Positive Intelligence. We've also incorporated strategies from Chatter by Ethan Kross. Here’s how you can begin to tackle your saboteur thinking:

1. Identify Your Saboteur Thoughts

You may recognize multiple saboteur types in your thinking, but it's most effective to focus on one (or two at most). When you notice a saboteur thought, the first step is to name it. For example:

• "Ah, that’s my Judge again," or

• "There’s my Pleaser getting annoyed."

Once you've named it, pay attention to the typical messages this saboteur sends and the feelings and outcomes it creates:

• My Judge is a snarky voice that makes comments like, "Why did she send me that pointless email?" or "I can’t believe she wore that."

  • Feeling/Outcome: Self-righteousness, disconnection from others.

• My Pleaser gets stuck overdoing for others and thinks, "Why am I always the one folding the laundry?" or "Never mind, I’ll just take care of it."

  • Feeling/Outcome: Resentment, anger, and potential lashing out.

2. Change Your Neural Pathways

Once you've named and recognized these thoughts, the next step is to break the "thought loop" that keeps you stuck in negative thinking. You can experiment with the following strategies, which are grounded in neuroscience:

• Take three deep breaths – Focus on the rising and falling of your chest.

• Focus on your sense of touch:

  • Rub your fingertips together.

  • Squeeze your toes.

  • Feel the texture of your clothing.

• Focus on your sense of sight:

  • Notice small details around you—colors, textures, shapes.

• Focus on your sense of sound:

  • What can you hear nearby? Far away? How would you describe the sound?

3. Create Psychological Distance from Your Saboteurs

Once you’ve identified a saboteur thought and interrupted its pattern, work on creating distance between yourself and the saboteur. This helps you recognize that these thoughts are not truly "you."

Try the following techniques:

• Use a metaphor to characterize your saboteur:

  • Does your saboteur have a name, image, or character? One of my coaching clients, for example, envisions his saboteur as "Gollum" from The Lord of the Rings. Once you've identified a character, talk to it—let it know it’s not needed.

• Speak to yourself using your name:

  • Try addressing yourself in the second person: "Now, Erin, you know better than that," or "Erin, you don’t need to pay attention to this right now."

• Talk about yourself in the third person:

  • "Erin needs some good ideas for responding to this email. What would help her?"

Bringing Out Your True Self

The ultimate goal of lessening your saboteur’s influence is to let your Authentic Self—or what Chamine calls your "Sage"—take the lead. This is the part of you that acts based on core values, strengths, and desired outcomes. When your true self takes center stage, you can make better decisions, connect more meaningfully with others, and create the life you want.

The Bottom Line

Start by identifying your saboteur thinking and recognizing how it affects you. Then, choose strategies to interrupt these thought patterns and create distance between you and your saboteurs. This will allow your true self to guide your actions, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life.