Judgy McJudgerson

Challenge your Saboteurs and Empower your Leader Within

I recently read Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine and was reminded of the idea of “Saboteurs.” This is an idea that I learned about in my coaching training years ago, but over time it has fallen off my radar. The book reminded me how powerful this concept is, and about the value of doing self-work related to one’s own saboteurs.

Our saboteurs are the negative messages we direct inward towards ourselves or outward towards others. These thoughts are critical and damaging and leave us feeling worried, anxious, stressed, judged, overwhelmed, criticized, scared, impatient, etc. Basically, any negative emotion we hold on to can be tracked back to a saboteur. Saboteurs are also universal. We all have them; they are rooted in the biology of our brain and designed to help us survive by navigating perceived physical and emotional threats.

The contrast to our saboteurs is what Chamine calls the Sage, and what we like to call the Leader Within. This wise self can assess negative emotions and experiences and see them as learning opportunities. It can manage emotional triggers well and choose how to respond to get the outcomes we desire, versus simply reacting (or overreacting) and creating even more challenging situations to deal with. The Leader Within takes perspective, has empathy for themselves and others, challenges the saboteurs, and asks questions to seek clarity and understanding such as, “What else is possible?” “What’s the learning in this for me?” and, “What’s the best way for me to respond in this situation?”

Chamine describes 10 saboteurs that show up in unique ways and to differing degrees in people. He claims we all have the Judge and a few others that tend to show up frequently:

Judge – The master saboteur that everyone suffers from; it compels you to constantly find faults with yourself, with others, and with your circumstances. Much anxiety, stress, anger, guilt, shame, and disappointment are generated from the judge. It is a lie that you need the judge to be successful (or to make others successful.)

Stickler – This saboteur takes the need for perfection, order, and organization too far. It makes you and others around you anxious and uptight. The Stickler can cause frustration for you and for others around things not being perfect enough. It is a lie that perfectionism is always good.

Pleaser – The Pleaser is compelled to gain acceptance and affection by constantly helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering others. This saboteur causes you to lose sight of your own needs, often becoming resentful of others. It also leads to others to be overly dependent on you. It is a lie that you are always pleasing others to do good – often you are trying to win affection and acceptance in unhealthy ways.

Hyper-Achiever – This saboteur makes you dependent on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation. The Hyper-Achiever keeps you focused on external success rather than on the internal roots of happiness. This often leads to workaholic tendencies and a disconnect with deeper emotional and relational experiences. It is a lie that your self-acceptance depends on achievement and external validation.

Victim – The Victim causes you to feel emotional and temperamental as a way of gaining attention and affection. This results in an extreme focus on internal feelings, usually painful ones, and can result in martyr tendencies. You end up wasting mental and emotional energy and others feel frustrated, helpless, and guilty that they can’t make you happy. It is a lie that your victim behaviors are the only way to receive attention and caring for yourself from others.

Hyper-Rational – This saboteur prioritizes an intense and exclusive focus on the rational processing of everything, including relationships. It causes you to be impatient with people’s emotions, seeing them as unworthy of consideration. You can show up as cold, distant, intimidating, and arrogant, thus limiting the depth of relationships you can have with others. It’s a lie that your rational mind is the most important and most helpful form of intelligence that you have.

Hyper-Vigilant – The Hyper-Vigilant saboteur feels intense and continuous anxiety about all the dangers surrounding you and what could go wrong. It is constantly vigilant and can never rest. This saboteur creates a great deal of stress that wears you and others down. It is a lie that the dangers around you are bigger than they actually are and a lie that non-stop vigilance is the best way to tackle the challenges that do exist.

Restless – This saboteur is constantly in search of greater excitement in the next activity or though perpetual busyness. This does not allow you to feel much peace or contentment within your current activity. You experience a never-ending stream of distractions and lose focus on the things and relationships that matter most. Others have a hard time keeping up with you and often feel distanced from you. It is a lie that being so busy means you are living life fully; you are often missing out on life in the present.

Controller – The Controller has a need to take charge, control situations, and bend people’s actions to their will. High anxiety and impatience are generated when this is not possible. While the Controller may facilitate short-term results, in the long run it generates resentment in others and prevents them from developing their full capabilities. It is a lie that you need the controller to generate the best results from the people around you.

Avoider – This saboteur focuses on the positive and the pleasant in an extreme way. True to its name, the Avoider avoids difficult and unpleasant tasks and conflicts, thus leading to habits of procrastination and conflict avoidance. This results in festering conflicts and damaging outbursts. It is a lie that you are just being positive and not avoiding your problems/tasks/challenges.

As you read through these descriptions, I suspect you recognized one or more of these saboteurs in yourself. For example, I’ve noticed how much my judge shows up, who I’ve named Judgy McJudgerson (personification can help you name and challenge your saboteurs as they show up), mostly in my thoughts and reactions to others. I have come to recognize the snarky little voice in my head as I judge people and what they’ve said, how they look, what they’re doing, etc. Reflecting on my judge and how it shows up has been powerful self-work for me. On one hand, people describe me (and I see myself) as an empathetic, inclusive, compassionate, and non-judgmental person who strives to see the best in people. And, with Chamine’s suggestion that we all have a Judge, I had to be real with myself and notice how my judgmental thoughts show up and impact my views of others.

I also resonate with the Avoider and People Pleaser saboteurs. I’ve done a lot of work in both of these areas over the years, but I can still default to procrastinating on unpleasant tasks or situations, avoiding conflict, and over-doing for others, thus sacrificing my own wants and needs. Engaging in this work has helped me recognize the ways these saboteurs show up, provided strategies for me to challenge them (for example, using self-talk, “Oh hello Ms. Judgy McJudgerson, you’re not welcome here right now”) and helped me bring my Leader Within online more quickly.

I recently brought the ideas of the leader within and saboteurs to a coaching client. It seemed his saboteurs were often leading the way in his life. As we dove deeper into this topic, we identified the unique ways his saboteurs show up. Interestingly, he had one that led the way at work, and a completely different saboteur in his personal life. This was a powerful “aha” for him, and with this clarity came the ability to name when the saboteurs were showing up and apply strategies to combat them.

Bottom Line: We all have saboteurs, and we all have a Leader Within – which do you want to lead the way in your life? To learn more and take a brief saboteur quiz check out www.positiveintelligence.com, and I highly recommend the Positive Intelligence book.