They Drip Off You Like Sweat Beads
The Value of Values
A new client showed up for a coaching session and was more than ready for some change. We had connected a month or so before, so I had some context for what he was looking for, but the first session went deep, quickly.
He was angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, exhausted, and done.
Something had to give. Something had to shift. The company he knew and the leader he thought he knew had changed, and work just wasn’t the same anymore.
During the session we landed on the topic of core values. I suggested that often when we’re experiencing strong negative emotions, about something or someone, it means a core value has been violated.
This stopped him in his tracks.
He paused. His facial expression shifted. His eyes filled with emotion; it was like one of those cartoons where a lightbulb pops up above a character’s head.
Without much effort, the client identified the core value that was being violated (there were several, but one stood out as most central). We talked about how this dynamic was showing up on a regular basis at work, and we reflected on prior years when this was not the case; not surprisingly, he was happy and fulfilled in his role back then.
Since then, additional core values have come to the forefront, and clarity around these values has been an important piece of self-awareness for my client. They’ve served as a guide in figuring out what he really wants, both at work and in his personal life. They’re also helping him own his strengths and create better boundaries for himself. As a result, he’s finding more satisfaction and balance in his life.
As a coach, I’ve learned that when we intentionally look and listen for core values, they show up easily. Years ago, during my coaches training, one of the instructors said, “they drip off of people like sweat beads.” It’s true, they’re always there—visible on the surface or lying just below.
If you want to get clarity on your core values, consider the following:
The last time you got angry or frustrated, what value was being violated?
Beyond the essentials, what do you choose to spend your money on? Our values tend to guide our spending choices.
What causes or issues do you feel passionately about? These are aligned with your core values.
Review any self-assessments you’ve taken such as the DISC, MBTI, Enneagram, or CliftonStrengths profile. Your values are woven throughout those pages.
Ask your close friends or loved ones what values they notice in you.
Do a search for a list of core values. Review the list and note which ones jump out to you.
Next, take some time to let your list of values marinate:
Make some edits and play around with the wording. Perhaps a phrase, rather than a single word, better captures how you feel (for example, two of my core values are “take the simple path” and “be in the flow”).
Post your list (try a post-it note on your desk/mirror or a screen saver on your phone) so you’ll be reminded on a regular basis of what you most value.
Bottom Line: Clarify your core values. Living in alignment with them is key to living a fulfilling life.